the unlivable life
by abigail-in-space
Summary: travel between parallel worlds is impossible, but a distress signal from rose tyler is sort of more important than supposed impossibility.
1. Chapter 1

The Doctor couldn't ignore that transmission. He tried to. Oh, he tried so very desperately to. Tried to cut it off. Hide it away. Just pretend he didn't hear the excited hum of the TARDIS.

No, it was impossible. Painful. He didn't want to think about the possibility that he could see her again. Not when she was happy with someone else. And for all he knew, the transmission didn't even come from her. Transmissions from alternate universes shouldn't be possible, anyway.

Still, he managed to push it aside for about twenty-four hours. Then he caved.

He was in the process of setting the coordinates when Amy and Rory walked into the console room.

"Oh, good, you're up!" the Doctor said, flipping a switch with a flourish. "What do the two of you say to parallel world? Like your world, but parallel. Loads of fun, lots to see, I bet."

Amy furrowed her brows. "I thought you said we'd be going to a planet made of diamonds today."

Oh, he had said that, hadn't he? "Oh, don't be ridiculous, Amy, I never said anything of the sort."

Rory paused a second, as if trying to recall something. "Uh, yes you did. I think I remember that exact conversation."

"Well, that's the problem, Rory," he said. "You only think you remember. Really, how daft are you? Anyway! Parallel world! Allons-y! Oh, that does not sound right anymore."

Ignoring Rory's offended scoff, Amy walked over to look over the Doctor's shoulder as he prepped the TARDIS for takeoff. "Doctor," she said quietly. "Why a parallel world? What's there?"

The Doctor was silent for a moment, keeping busy with the controls. He wasn't sure if he was ready to tell her everything. After all, he had only known Amy and Rory for a little while. He didn't feel he could tell her all about Rose, how he had felt about her. How he still felt about her. He couldn't tell her how dangerous it was to go to a parallel world. How impossible it was. How he was risking the universe's collapse just to see a pink and yellow human that had managed to bury herself deep into both of his hearts.

"A transmission," the Doctor answered, turning the screen with the said transmission toward her. "Asking for my help. Can't ignore that, now, can I?"

"S'pose not," Amy agreed, reading the screen over. "All this says is 'I need the Doctor.' How do we know this isn't just from somebody needing any kind of Doctor and shoutin' it out to space?"

He couldn't _know _that, of course. He couldn't know anything. All he knew was how he felt, and how desperate he was to be right and wrong all at the same time. "Well, I'm any kind of Doctor, aren't I? Geez Louise, Amy."

With a shrug, Amy returned to Rory who was sitting on one of the benches around the console. She shifted close to her boyfriend, held his hand, and put her head on his shoulder.

The Doctor caught a glance at the pair of them, and his hearts twinged. He had been there before. Different face, of course. Different girl. Was he doing the right thing? Interrupting that different girl's life with that different person?

But, if he was right, she had called for him by name. And he couldn't ignore that.

The TARDIS landed in no time. Too soon, really. Not nearly enough time to prepare. Still, he put on a happy face and skipped out the doors onto a busy London street, Amy and Rory following close behind.

"Ah! Just as I said! A completely different world from the one you lot have traveled in," the Doctor announced, arms spread wide, showcasing the place. "And you're only the third. . . fourth. . . No, wait, hold on. . . Seventh and eighth people to ever be here! Absolutely incredible, and a hearty congratulations to the both of you."

Rory looked around. "It looks just like a regular London street," he remarked.

The Doctor dropped his arms to his sides. "Well, duh, Rory. It is a regular London street. But it's _parallel._"

"Looks pretty much the same to me," Amy agreed, not surprisingly with Rory.

Of course, any other day, the Doctor might have spent longer trying to convince the two of them that this was _so much more impressive _than just an old London street, but it wasn't any other day. So, the Doctor reached up to adjust his bowtie. "Alright, alright," he snapped. "Tough crowd."

"So, Doctor, what are we looking for?" Amy questioned.

It was a good question. One that the Doctor hadn't thought about terribly much. He had been a little preoccupied with actually making it through to the parallel universe to consider what to do once he got there. "Um, look for out of place technology, any mention of the word Torchwood, and blonde women."

Rory choked. Amy elbowed him in the stomach.

"Specific blonde women," the Doctor corrected himself. Of course, they wouldn't know what Rose looked like. "On second thought, you'd better leave the blonde women to me."

This time Amy choked.

The Doctor ignored this and continued. "Right. Amy, you're on tech duty. Rory, eyes peeled for Torchwood. Simple enough. Split up and meet back at that shop in ten minutes, got it?" And whether or not they got it, the Doctor marched off without them.

Ten minutes passed and nothing. A defeated Doctor slumped into the shop just as Amy and Rory skipped back, hand in hand.

The Doctor gestured at them incredulously. "You were supposed to split up!" he told them.

"Didn't want to," Amy said.

With a groan and a roll of his eyes, the Doctor asked, "Well, did you find anything at the very least?"

"'Fraid not," Rory answered. "No tech, no Torchwood. Ridiculous amount of zeppelins."

"Plenty of blondes, though," Amy piped up. "There's one right there." She pointed into the shop, near the women's tops.

It was impossible to keep from gawking. There was a blonde woman there, sure enough. She was talking on a mobile as she surveyed the tops. "I'm tellin' ya, Bev, she's beside herself. Won't leave his bedside, much less the house. And I've told her, 'Sweetheart, you've got to keep going. It's not helping him to sit around all miserable.' But does she listen to me?"

"Jackie?" the Doctor said aloud. She was hardly the first person he had expected to see.

"Who?" Rory said. When the Doctor didn't answer, he repeated, "Doctor, who?"

But the Doctor didn't listen. Instead, he bounded over to Jackie, arms open wide. "Jackie Tyler!" he exclaimed.

She jumped back a moment, before saying, "Bev, I'll call you back," and hanging up. Then, her eyes went ice cold. "S'cuse me, but who d'ya think you are, jumpin' up on me like that? I'm not signing autographs or taking pictures now, and you can forget any daft ideas you've got because I'm not tellin' Pete one of them."

The Doctor hesitated. "Jackie, it's me! It's the Doctor." He braced himself for a slap.

No such thing came. Instead, Jackie's eyes went from ice to steel. "How dare you? That's just insensitive. Why don't you bother someone else, mate, because I've had it with you. And I'll tell you another thing: I could call my bodyguard on you in a second. . ."

"Jackie."

". . . He's standing just over there, and all I've got to do is shout for him. . ."

"Jackie."

". . . And I might do it right now, because you've got no business coming in here pretendin' to be the Doctor when I know full well-"

"Jackie, would you please shut up!'

Jackie's mouth hung open. Perfect opportunity to get a word in edgewise.

"Christmas, 2006," the Doctor started. "I was dressed in Howard's jim jams and dressing gown, and I was sick to death with regeneration energy. You offered me a ham sandwich and all the vitamins you could think of, and I told you to shut up just like I did just now."

Jackie whispered an expletive under her breath. "You changed," she said. It came out in a hoarse whisper. "Changed your whole face."

The Doctor's shoulders slumped. "I've changed before," he reminded her defensively. "Didn't mind much when I got rid of the ears, did you?"

Jackie looked over his shoulder. "Who are you lot, then? I don't recognize ya."

The Doctor hadn't even noticed Amy and Rory coming up behind him until Amy spoke. "I'm Amy, and this is my boyfriend Rory."

"Fiancé Rory," Rory corrected.

"Kind of."

"Pretty much exactly."

There was no time. "Jackie," the Doctor said, stealing her attention again. "Jackie, where's Rose?"

Jackie's face grew serious. "Back home. Hasn't left since he got sick."

The Doctor felt his hearts clench. He knew almost immediately who she was talking about, but he didn't want to believe it. "Since who got sick?" he questioned, begging her to name someone else.

Instead, she didn't answer at all. "How are you here? Rose said you couldn't come back - that it was impossible."

"I'm here now," the Doctor pointed out. "Take me to Rose, Jackie. No time to waste."


	2. Chapter 2

Amy, Rory, and the Doctor all crowded in the back of Jackie's car while Jackie and her chauffer/bodyguard rode up front. The Doctor sat squished between his two companions, his hands folded awkwardly between his bouncing knees as they both whispered a plethora of questions to him.

"Why are we riding in this woman's car?" Rory asked.

"Forget about the car," Amy countered. "Who is this woman?"

"And where are we going?"

"Yes, good question, Rory."

Rory smiled. "Thanks."

Amy turned her focus back to the Doctor. "Well?"

The Doctor held up his hands, shielding himself from the oncoming storm that was all of these endless questions. "Jackie's an old friend of mine and she's giving us a ride to her home. I don't know what's so hard to understand about that."

That silenced them for just a bit. That is, until Amy asked, "Doctor, who's Rose?"

He took a deep breath as he tried to decide what to say. _Rose is the beginning and end of everything, _he thought to say. But he didn't. Instead, he gave her the hard facts, which were easier to stomach. "Rose is Jackie's daughter. She and I traveled together for a while."

"And?" Amy pressed.

"And nothing," the Doctor answered. Really, what did she expect him to say?

"Well, don't you think she's the one who sent the message?"

"Oh. Well, yes, I suppose. She could be."

Rory was looking out the window. "There really is an insane amount of zeppelins out there," he remarked.

Jackie looked behind her at Rory. "Oh, they're all the rage here for people who can afford them." She wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Haven't been in mine for at least three years. It's too different from the world we come from. I reckon Pete's turned it into a right proper man cave, anyway."

"Wait, 'the world we come from?'" Rory repeated. "D'you mean you're from our universe?"

"Was," Jackie sighed. She gestured to the Doctor. "That is until himself dropped us off here without a backwards glance."

The Doctor's jaw dropped and if he had eyebrows he would have furrowed them. "Now, Jackie, that's not fair."

"Just tellin' it like it is," Jackie snapped back defensively. "I don't mind it a bit, but you didn't exactly ask Rose what she thought, did you?"

For maybe the first time, Jackie managed to shut the Doctor up. His quiet lasted until the car pulled into the long driveway off a three-story, red brick house. Well, it was more of a homey-looking mansion really. It was surrounded by a lush green lawn, a tall, white picket fence around the back of the yard.

"Is this your house?" the Doctor questioned.

"No, you plum," Jackie answered, stepping out of the car. The Doctor and companions followed suit. "It's Rose's. She hasn't lived with us since Tony started school, and that was eight years ago. Moved out just two after we saw you last."

The Doctor hesitated only briefly. It hadn't even been ten years for him yet, but for Rose that time had already come and passed. He'd only gone half as long without her as she had without him.

Jackie led them to the back yard, explaining that she never went through the front door, and it was then that the Doctor properly froze. There, scattered among the grass and the foliage were children's toys. A see-saw that was shaped like an aeroplane - TARDIS blue. A hot pink football. Two bikes parked neatly by the kitchen door, helmets with unicorn horns and ears decorating them hanging from the handlebars.

"Doctor, are you alright?" Rory asked, halfway inside already. Amy and Jackie had abandoned them for the comforts of the indoors.

Without much choice, he snapped out of his trance and nodded. "Yes, yes, of course. Perfectly fine, me. Let's see if we can't convince Jackie to make us some tea, eh? Don't tell her, but I always liked her tea." With this, he bounded over to Rory, swung his arm over his shoulders, and led him inside to the kitchen.

The interior of the house was clean, impeccably clean and modern. It almost looked unlived in. A few framed pictures were scattered here and there. _Wedding pictures_, the Doctor realized with a start. Sure enough, there was Rose in a white, lace dress that hugged her hips and flared out at the bottom. Her hair was a shade or two darker, more honey than platinum, and done in simple knot at the side of her neck. She wore a bright smile, and she looked truly happy. _Beautiful, _the Doctor's only thought was.

Of course, next to her was his younger face. He looked happy, too.

"Mum?" a sweet, familiar voice called from upstairs. "S'that you down there?"

The Doctor's hearts skipped several beats between the two of them.

"Yes, sweetheart!" Jackie called back. "You'd better get down here quick!"

No, he wasn't ready. But ready or not, footsteps were descending down the stairs. "Who've you got down here? And are you making tea?" With those words, Rose appeared in the doorway.

She was the same woman from her wedding pictures. Honey hair, though now it was let down and went a little past her shoulders in gentle waves. She wore dark skinny jeans and a short-sleeved, soft pink button-down that she had tied at the waist. Her eyes, however, were not the same smiling eyes pictured in her wedding pictures. Her magnificent brown eyes, though warm as ever, were tired. Worn down with sadness, age, and exhaustion.

She scanned the room with those eyes, and landed on him last.

"Hullo, Rose," he somehow managed to say, with the whisper of a smile on his lips.

She stared at him, slack-jawed for a moment before spinning on her heel and leaving the room entirely.

He went after her instinctively, barely remembering to tell Amy and Rory to stay put with Jackie. After some searching through the endless maze that was her large home, he found her curled up in a sitting room. Her head was buried between her knees and she was breathing hard.

"Rose, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he told her. He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. Everything, he supposed. She deserved all the apology he could offer her.

"What are you sorry for?" Rose asked. "I'm the one who called you here. Both universes are gonna collapse now, aren't they? All because I called you here."

He hurried to her and crouched in front of her. "No, no, no," he promised her. "The fact that you were able to get the transmission through at all means that there's a tear in the fabric of reality like there was when we first landed here. Big enough to get the TARDIS through, anyway. And what's more: she's already adapted to this universe, so she hasn't broken down like she did back then. It's perfectly safe for me to be here right now."

Of course, that last bit was a blatant lie, but she didn't need to know.

She peeked up at him. Her nose was still on her knees. "You regenerated," she pointed out, muttering into the fabric of her jeans. Her hand reached out as if she was going to run her fingers down his cheekbone. He caught himself holding his breath as he realized how badly he wanted to know how that would feel on his new face, but she retracted her fingers as quickly as she had put them out.

"How could you tell it was me?"

She shrugged. "I just knew," she said. "I've been waiting for you. Knew you had to show up eventually."

That, she had completely right. She knew as well as he did that all she had to do was call, and he would be there in an instant. But why would she need him at all? That was the question. "Why'd you call me, Rose?" he asked. He was on his knees now, eye-level with her. He found himself wondering if she liked the shade of green his eyes had turned, or if she thought his face was too much chin.

She cut her gaze away from him abruptly. "He's dying," she said, her voice finally breaking. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, dragging mascara down with them. "The Doctor is dying, and I don't know what to do. No one does. Not even him."

He jumped up. That's what he had expected Jackie meant, but how he wished it wasn't true. This was not how it was supposed to end. Not with an early death for the Doctor and Rose Tyler all alone in the prime of her life. It wasn't at all what he had planned for her.

"Have you tried tea? That worked last time." It was his immediate thought.

Rose managed a short laugh. "Yes, we've tried tea. And CAT scans, and blood tests, and every kind of alien scan that Torchwood could dream up. We don't even know what's wrong with him. He's just fading."

"Where is he?" he questioned, almost scared to ask. He had resented the Metacrisis from the minute he had met himself. Everything about him was wrong, and he rarely ever enjoyed looking at his previous bodies. But he'd sooner be choked with his own bowtie than let that discomfort keep him from screaming in his clone's face that he had better not die on Rose Tyler.

"Upstairs, in bed. Asleep right now."

Perfect. "Take me there," he instructed.

With a nod, Rose led them up to the bedroom. _Her _bedroom, he realized. Her's and the Doctor's. He swallowed hard as he stepped was his old body, in the bed, asleep like she said. If he hadn't known any better, he would have said that the clone was already dead. He looked pale as a ghost, if that was anything to go by. And skinnier too if it was at all possible.

He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and made a few scans over the sleeping form. The results would have to be reviewed in the TARDIS where he had more information stored. "What are his symptoms, Rose?" he questioned, fiddling with the screwdriver.

Rose, who was pinching her bottom lip, took the time to smile. "Look at you, sounding like a proper Doctor," she muttered. Dropping her hand, she sighed. "He complains about chest pains. He's not eating like he should. He's always cold. Not even like Time Lord cold. I mean, ice cold. And. . . and he says he doesn't dream anymore."

A wrinkle formed in the Doctor's forehead. "What do you mean 'doesn't dream anymore'? Why would that be important?"

"He seems to think it is," she said, almost defensively.

The Doctor puffed his cheeks and exhaled slowly. "Right, well, let's let him sleep. What do you call him, by the way?"

"The Doctor," Rose replied simply and slowly.

"I mean, besides that," he clarified. "I haven't explained things to Amy and Rory yet."

"Your friends?" Rose asked. When he nodded his confirmation, she said. "James McCrimmon-Tyler. Like you used in Scotland 1869, remember?"

"Only with Tyler on the end," the Doctor mused. "He doesn't do that horrible Scottish accent, does he?"

Rose shrugged. "Sometimes," she admitted.

With a grunt of distaste, the Doctor made his way back downstairs, Rose close behind. Amy, Jackie, and Rory were all still in the kitchen with a cup of tea each with two more waiting for the Doctor and Rose.

"Right! Well, I've done my tests on James," the Doctor announced. "Now, I've got to run back to the TARDIS to get the results. Rose? Care to join?"

She hesitated a moment. "I don't think so," she said. "Why don't you bring it 'round? As long as you promise not to disappear."

The Doctor felt his hearts sink at her refusal, but he made no sign of it. "Course not!" he swore. "Cross my hearts! Don't you have your key?"

Her hand rose to her neck, but she said, "I don't wear it anymore."

"Oh," he said softly. Then, he turned again to Amy and Rory. "Alright, gang! Back to the TARDIS! Be back in ten seconds."


	3. Chapter 3

Back in the TARDIS, Amy and Rory only had more questions. However, they now revolved rather painfully around Rose and who she was and what she meant. Who was James? Who was Pete? Did the Doctor leave all of his friends behind? Was he going to leave them behind? (The answer to that was a snappish "I don't know!" followed by a gentler "It's not like that. I don't always get to choose.")

Whether or not it was clear to them that all of their questions were putting his brain into overdrive or not, they left him alone for a moment while he ran his tests on Mr. James McCrimmon-Tyler.

Rose had seemed convinced that his clone didn't suffer from any sort of human disease, and the TARDIS scans confirmed that. His vital readings were just as they should be for what he was. There was seemingly no extraterrestrial interference, no part of his spliced biology that was malfunctioning. Rose was right. He was just fading with no explanation.

"Run life expectancy check," the Doctor instructed the TARDIS as he feed the rest of the scan into the mainframe. A second later the monitor in front of him illuminated and flashed a horrendous single digit in front of him. Six. Six months. That was all James had left.

"Factor in chemical intereference. Biological life extension. Cell replenishers. Anything available in this universe. How long then?"

The screen changed. Six months and a week.

"Oh, that's helpful," the Doctor grumbled.

Six months barely constituted as time at all. It was a blip on the radar, and it was all he had to help Rose. An animalistic growl was building in the back of his throat, and he only barely swallowed it in time to set the coordinates with a clear head.

Amy and Rory reappeared in the console room having felt the TARDIS land. "What've you figured out, Doctor?" Amy asked.

"Nothing new," the Doctor answered as calmly as he could. He spun the monitor to face them. "But we're on a timer now."

Rory furrowed his eyebrows. "But six months. . . That's plenty of time to figure something to out."

"That's where you're wrong," the Doctor said. "Because six months is nothing. It's actually less than nothing. We have no clue why he's sick, but once we figure that out, we still have to find out how to make him all better. You're a nurse, Rory. How many people have you seen wither and die in the space of six months or less, hmm?"

Before Rory could answer, they were interrupted by the sound of the TARDIS door creaking open. There, wearing a dressing gown and a smile big enough to consume the stars, was the Doctor.

"Oh, yes," he said, stroking the inside of the ship. "Yes, it's you alright, isn't it, old girl?" He peered inside. "You've redecorated? I don't like it."

"Oi, watch it!" the Doctor who currently piloted the TARDIS said. "Get your grubby, human hands off of her."

The Doctor James sneered. "Grubby? Human? Oh, you were stuck up last time I saw you, but this is borderline pretentious."

Amy chose this moment to say something. "Sorry, who are you?"

"I'm the-"

"That is James," the Doctor answered quickly

At least James appeared to understand the Doctor's desire for secrecy. "Yup! James McCrimmon-Tyler, that's me. I understand you've already met my wife." He turned as if expecting her to be there. She wasn't. "Oh, well, she was there a minute ago."

James stumbled back to the TARDIS doors. It was the first that the Doctor noticed he did have something of a stumble to his step. In addition to looking like death.

James hung out of the doors and called, "Rooose! Come inside! You'll catch your death standing out there in the cold."

Rose's voice, though distant, could be heard. "I don't think so," she said.

The Doctor walked over to stand by James. Outside it was all dark, and Rose was in her jim jams. "Blimey, what time is it?" he asked.

"Midnight," Rose answered. "Think you might've overshot a bit."

"Right. Sorry. My bad. Sure you won't come in?"

James looked at the Doctor skeptically, but Rose answered, "Yeah, I'm sure. But you can come inside if you want. Doc- James?"

The Doctor didn't miss the curious look Amy and Rory exchanged before following him back into the house. They were both clever - clever enough to suspect something about James. But he couldn't deal with it now. Not for a while.

And speaking of things he couldn't deal with now. . .

From the corner of his eye, he caught the window curtain shift. Anybody who looked hard enough could make out the silhouettes of two lumps behind said curtain. Human- shaped lumps. Human _children-_shaped lumps. As the adults headed back into the house, they scattered off.

Of course, the Doctor seemed to be the only one to notice this, so he made no remarks.

James tripped over the threshold of the door and would've fallen on his face if Rose hasn't already been there holding his arm. The Doctor remembered when she would hold him like that. He'd never seen it from the outside before and he caught himself staring at her fingers pressed into James's dressing gown. Her free hand as it darted quickly up into the hair at the back of his neck and back down to his back, rubbing it soothingly.

Her lips, barely moving as she whispered to him.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," James assured Rose gently, but he collapsed on a kitchen chair the minute he got a chance.

"Well, Doctor," he said, clearly winded. "What's your diagnosis? Manage to come up with anything?"

The Doctor noted James's tone: snippy, patronizing, and overall rude. But for Rose's sake he overlooked it. "From the very basic scan I took of you, I couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. But! There are still other tests we can run, preventative measures you can take-"

James screwed his face up in distaste. "Oh, listen to you, trying to be a doctor. You aren't telling me anything I haven't heard before from dozens of medical professionals - Martha Jones among them, mind you. It's pointless."

Rose pulled up a chair next to her husband and gripped his hand. "He's only trying to help."

"I'll tell you what he's trying to do, Rose," James said, setting his jaw against the Doctor. "He's trying to be clever, and he's trying to see what became of his science experiment. If it fails? Well, that's just one not to try again, isn't it? Tell me, Doctor, d'you have a spare hand waiting around in case you'd like to keep that face?"

"Doctor," Amy said. "What is he talking about?"

The Doctor didn't answer Amy. Didn't even look at her. He kept his eyes trained on his old face. "You're a very sick man, so I'm going to try to be very patient with you," he said, keeping his voice even. "But you know as well as I do that everything I did back then, I did for one person. So, it wouldn't it make sense that everything I'm doing now is for the same?"

"Of course it does. You'd let me die otherwise."

The Doctor felt his fingers curl into his palms. "And that would make sense, too. Your very existence cost me a lot more than I wanted to pay. It cost Donna, too, but you knew that already."

Rose sprung out of her seat. "Alright, stop this, both of ya!" She turned to James. "I'll not have you arguing with the only person left in any universe who's got a chance at helpin' you. You've got a lot more to think of now besides just you and me, so take that in mind."

Then she spun on the Doctor. "And you can't blame him for existing. What happened isn't anyone's fault, and I wouldn't change it anyway. Would you?"

The answer to that was complicated, both yes and no. On the one hand, events were fixed. Everything happened just as it was meant to happen. Without the metacrisis, there wouldn't be a TARDIS anymore and they would all be dead. And yet, if there had been a way to keep Rose. . .

He remained silent, searching her eyes for the answer she wanted.

"I-" James began. For a moment, the letter seemed to be the beginning of an apology. A first for him. But he started again. "I'll deal with all of this tomorrow."

"No, you're going to be resting up tomorrow," Rose corrected.

James grimaced. "Rose," he whined. "I've been resting up for months now."

She nodded pointedly. "And you're gonna keep on doin' it 'til you're better. Come on, I'll help you up the stairs."

At this, Rory stepped forward. "Please, let me. I'm a nurse."

Rose nodded and James and Rory disappeared together. Then it was just Amy between Rose and the Doctor. She was silent only a moment before saying, "I think I'll head back to the TARDIS," and beating a hasty retreat.

All alone with Rose, several quiet moments passed the Doctor by. He kept looking at her. Heard her clear her throat, and saw her brush he hair behind her ear. And she kept not looking at him.

"What do you think of the new face?" he blurted out, needing (for some reason) to know.

She risked a glance at him before turning her face away again. "It's different," she said.

"G-good different?" he asked, unable to keep the nervous smile from his face. "Or bad different?"

The corner of her mouth twitched at the familiar question. It was almost a smile. Good enough for now. "Just different," she answered with a spark of humor. "You could ask what I think of the bowtie."

"Oi!" he said, his hands instinctively rising to straighten the article. "Bowties are cool."

"Cool?" she repeated, eyebrows furrowing. She was full-on smiling now.

He nodded, all too happy to return the smile. "They're fantastic."

The smile dropped from her face, and the unbearable silence returned.

Desperate for anything to say, the Doctor turned to a topic he'd rather hoped to avoid. "You've got kids."

Rose nodded. "Two girls. Seven and five. Marion is the oldest and Sarah came after. And before you ask: yes, Sarah's middle name is Jane."

The Doctor nodded. Rassilon, he wished he hadn't brought it up. He could think of no more to say, and he was stuck. Stuck thinking about how different those two girls might've been if they hadn't had a human father. Maybe they would've traveled in the TARDIS with them. (Only to safe places, of course.) Or maybe they would've settled on earth until the girls were old enough to go places. Or maybe the kids would've stayed with Jackie on the weekends while he took Rose wherever she wanted to go.

Of course, these were all things he had thought before. Back when he had a different face and an actual chance at making those musings a reality. Now, there was a very real, non-imaginary Marion and Sarah who had a human dad that did what dad's were supposed to do: stay put on earth and age. And maybe die soon, too.

Rory returned saying, "He's back in bed. Vital signs are where they should be. Where's Amy?"

The Doctor jerked his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the TARDIS and Rory followed the direction with a nod. It was time he got back, too. There were plenty of mysteries to work through in the grand case of James McCrimmon-Tyler.

"See you tomorrow, Rose Tyler," he said.

"G'night," she returned, and spun around to leave.

There she went, leaving again. "Rose," the Doctor called.

She stopped and turned back to him.

"I promise you, I'm not going to leave until I'm sure you and the girls are okay," he promised. "I'm going to do everything in my power to find out what's wrong with the Doctor. You're not alone in this."

And at this, Rose smiled again. A bitter smile, like she was about to cry. "See you tomorrow, Doctor," she said, and quickly retreated out of the kitchen and up the stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

The Doctor hated to admit it, so he didn't. He didn't admit that he was stumped - at a total loss. He didn't admit that he had no idea what could be wrong or how to help. He certainly didn't admit that he was one dead-end away from ripping his floppy hair out piece by agonizing piece. Admitting any of that was the equivalent of surrender.

Surrender wasn't an option. Not when it came to Rose.

Maybe it had been an option when he was younger. When the only way to save the earth was by aiming a missile at her. _I could save the world but lose you, _his old, Northern voice rang in his head. She was already so important to him by that point. So irreplaceable. So dear.

Maybe it had been when he was not willing to risk universal collapse for his selfish reasons. _So? _Rose had asked when he explained what would happen if he crossed over. He had shared her sentiments, though he hadn't told her. He toyed with the idea for a year. What if he just stole her away to an air pocket in the universe where they would be safe from the destruction that would follow?

Maybe it had been when James was born, and he saw an opportunity to give her a perfect life. _"I've only got one life, Rose Tyler," _his voice from a different body came to mind. _"I could spend it with you if you want."_ And then those painful words that Rose had spoken. The words that solidified in his mind that this was what she wanted. The words that dashed the tiny, guilty hope that she would refuse the Metacrisis and run away with him again. _"You'll grow old at the same time as me?"_

But that was the problem, wasn't it? James wouldn't get any older if the Doctor didn't do something.

A knock on the TARDIS door startled the doctor out of his agitated reverie. Amy and Rory had popped out for the day to explore, and they wouldn't be back for hours. Rose didn't seem to want to come in. James wouldn't have knocked.

The Doctor shook his head free of troubling thoughts and stalked over to the door. "What?" he snapped as he swung it open. There was no one there. He looked down. No, there was someone. Two someones. Two little girls, each with braids, each with big brown eyes that stared up at him in wonder.

"I knew it!" said the taller one. Marion, he presumed. Her brown hair shone copper in the sunlight, and she was missing teeth all over. "I knew there was somebody in there."

"Is this the TARDIS?" the younger one - Sarah, who was a dishwater blonde with rosy cheeks - asked. "Because my daddy said that he had a TARDIS once, and he drew me a picture, and it looked like this, and then I also drew a picture of it, and he hung it up on the 'frigerator, and it also looked like this only his was better but he still said mine was good."

All this she said without taking a breath.

For maybe the first time since the new body, the Doctor was completely speechless. Two little girls, just like Rose had said. He hadn't expected them to be so _real._ Sarah looked like Rose. Marion looked like him_._ Well, old him. With a dash of Pete's ginger.

He found himself choking on words until Marion asked, "Are you my dad's companion?"

Then, his mouth dropped open and a wrinkle formed in his forehead. "His _companion?_" he repeated incredulously.

"What's your name?" Sarah asked, taking his exclamation as a confirmation. "I'm Sarah, by the way. I also have another name, but I'm not allowed to tell you."

"And I'm Marion!" Marion piped up. "I'm not allowed to tell you my other name either."

"I'm the Doctor," the Doctor said.

Instead of the usual question "Doctor who?" Sarah replied, "Oh, that's my dad's name."

"No, it's not," Marion said. "His name is James. Mummy just calls him 'the Doctor'."

"Oh," Sarah said. "Well, he has another name, too."

"We're not supposed to tell anyone that one either."

"We're not?"

Marion shook her head.

"Oh. I might have told Lucy on accident."

Before the Doctor even had time to process everything, he heard Rose call from the doorway. The girls scurried back into the house, and Rose walked over to the TARDIS.

"Sorry," she began. "I tried to tell them not to bother you."

The Doctor shook his head. "I don't mind, Rose. They're just kids. They're your kids. They're-" He stopped himself just in time. The words "our kids" were dangerous. Because they weren't his kids, not really. "They're brilliant."

Rose smiled and glanced over her shoulder at the house. "Yeah, I like to think so," she said. She turned back to the Doctor. "Anyway. What've you been up to?"

"Oh, you know me. All sorts of things. There was Winston Churchill and the Daleks, vampires in Venice. Star whales! Oh, you would've loved the star whale. And you meant what have I figured out about James, didn't you?"

Rose pulled her lower lip under her teeth. "Well... But I don't mind hearing about everything else."

"Well, that's good, because I don't have much to say otherwise." He couldn't look at her as he admitted it. "But I'll work it out. The solution is right there, at the very edge of my mind."

"I believe in you," Rose promised him with a nod of her head.

Those four words made his hearts flutter. Funny how she could still do that after all this time. "Do you wanna come inside?" he questioned, gesturing inside the TARDIS. "She's missed you, y'know."

Rose peered inside. "I can't. . ." she whispered. "I mean, it's time I checked on the Doctor - James, I mean."

"Right, of course," the Doctor said.

Just as Rose was leaving, Amy and Rory came bounding back up to the TARDIS.

"It's weird out there," Rory was saying. "So, so weird."

"Did you know that they've got a president instead of a prime minister?" Amy added. "And people keep capybaras as pets. Walk 'em around on leashes and everything."

The Doctor wasn't paying attention. He was watching Rose as she went back into the house. "Yeah, that's weird," he agreed absently.

Rory was saying something else... He wasn't listening.

Why didn't Rose want to visit the TARDIS? Even Sarah Jane didn't pass up the opportunity. And besides, Rose had made the old girl her home more than any companion he'd ever had.

"Doctor? Doctor!" Amy called him twice and snapped him out of his reverie.

He replied with a (probably too) snappish, "Oh, what now?"

"Hey, we're trying to talk to you," Amy replied, clearly peeved. "You haven't paid us any mind at all since you've seen Rose."

"What Amy's trying to say," Rory interjected, "is that we're worried about you, Doctor. The past few days you've seemed really..."

The Doctor folded his arms and waited while Rory blustered to finish his sentence. "Really what?" the Doctor demanded.

"Really obsessed with that woman!" Amy finished.

"No, that's not what I was going to say," Rory said with his pointer finger in the air.

Amy rolled his eyes. "It's what you were going to mean. Honestly, Doctor, we'd both like to know what's going on here. Who is Rose and why is she so important? Why are we here?"

The Doctor retreated further into the TARDIS, never meeting Amy's eyes. "We're here to see what we can do for a dying man and his family. It's not that difficult to understand."

"No, but it is!" Amy insisted.

"Amy..." Rory chided.

She ignored him. "Because here's my take on it: we wouldn't be here at all unless Rose had called, and I would even bet you wouldn't have come at all if it had been someone else."

The Doctor pushed aside the initial retort that came to mind and suppressed the anger that stemmed more from his troubled spirit than Amy's words. Instead, he sighed deeply and put his hands on his face, leaning on the TARDIS console for support. "No, you know, you're right, Amy," he said through his fingers. "People die every day in any world, and I can't save everyone no matter how much I want to. But when you've lived as long as I have, you meet so many people - people who will grow old, and whither, and die. But they still start to matter to you in so many different ways. Some more than others. Some the same amount but just differently. I won't say that people haven't mattered to me the same way Rose did before I met her, and I won't say that people haven't mattered to me the same way since. But sometimes there are people who just matter most and always will. And when someone matters to you that much, you go when they call for you."

Amy looked wounded. "So, we don't matter as much. Is that what you're saying?"

"You matter the same," the Doctor answered immediately. "Just differently. Besides, I made Rose a promise that she would be able to live the rest of her life with that man, and I keep the promises I make to Rose Tyler."

This Amy seemed to accept with some reluctance, but she accepted it nonetheless. "So, if she matters to you so much... Why did she marry James?"

"Can't exactly make other people's choices for them, can I?" the Doctor said quickly, trying to brighten up. He had rather had his fill of the conversation. "Now, what do you say to going out, having a poke around, and seeing what kind of trouble we can cook up?" Without waiting for a response, he marched out of the TARDIS, Amy and Rory in tow.

"Why cook up trouble?" Rory questioned as he stepped out of the box. "It seems to follow us around enough."

Not a moment after he was done speaking, the shrill noise of a tractor beam sounded. The Doctor whipped around fast enough to see the TARDIS blink out of existence.

Having heard the noise, Rose came out of the house. "Doctor, what's happened? Where's the TARDIS?"

"Somewhere that isn't here. And if I'm guessing right, it's somewhere that could get us in a lot of trouble," the Doctor answered. "Rory, what do you say we follow trouble for a change?"

Rory was still staring dumbfounded at the place the TARDIS had been. "Seems like we don't have much of a choice."

The Doctor clapped Rory on the back. "That's the spirit!" he said. "Are you coming, Rose?"

Rose took a small step backwards. "I dunno," she said. "The - James is -"

"James will be fine," the Doctor promised. "And something tells me we're a step closer to helping him get better." He held out his hand to her like an instinct.

As an instinct, she took it. Her hand was warm as ever in his. She blinked once as though she hadn't realized she had taken his hand until she felt his cold skin on hers. "If I can help, then I guess it wouldn't hurt."

The Doctor smiled wide and squeezed her hand. Without delay, the Doctor, his companions, and Rose Tyler left on another adventure.


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor's darling Rose was by his side once again, and she hadn't taken her hand away. It was almost as if he could feel the ghostly bones of his old body within him. He remembered the way his fingers laced through hers and squeezed. His ears had readopted that pesky habit where they could hear nothing but her. He was sure that Amy and Rory's input was very clever (he only let clever people travel with him, after all), but he was hyperfocused on one voice and one voice alone.

When she said, "What do you think, Doctor?" he listened.

He looked down at Rose with her inquisitive brown eyes and straightened up. Time to be impressive. "Well, that's all very clever, Amy," he said. (It had been Amy talking, hadn't it?) "But! You're missing one very important detail." (She would have missed this detail, probably, right?) "Take a good sniff. What do you smell?"

Soon, all three companions had their noses high in the air, sniffing away.

"Sort of smells like..." Rory began. He sniffed again. "Like a swimming pool."

"Like chlorine, to be precise," the Doctor added. "Now, chlorine is a unique smell to humans specifically. It's a halogen, which most non-human species tend to detest the scent of, including yours truly by the way which is why I never use chlorine to clean the TARDIS pool. Anyway, the electronegativity levels in halogens are through the roof which makes them ideal for cleaning toxins, and fluoride in particular only needs water to create oxygen. All of this boils down to one thing."

"What, it's human transportation that took the TARDIS?" Rose questioned.

"Bang on, Rose!" the Doctor said proudly. "And someplace that needs oxygen, I'll guess."

"Where do we even start with that?" Amy asked. "It's not like you have government friends here. This is an alternate universe."

The Doctor squeezed Rose's hand. "Then it's a good thing we're with the resident expert!"

Rose furrowed her brows in thought. "We don't have Torchwood anymore," she reflected. "Harriet Jones saw to that, but I still have contacts at UNIT. We could see if they know anything about it."

Amy and Rory had begun to look a little lost, but the Doctor smiled. "Atta-girl! You lead the way."

Moments later, they were all packed in Rose's car driving through the London streets. It was almost comical watching the Doctor get into the front seat of the car. It was like he'd never been in a car before.

Rory especially was flabbergasted, but when he realized the issue, he all but gasped. "I just noticed," he said. "We're driving on the right side of the road."

"What the wheel on the other side of the car didn't clue you in?" the Doctor scolded.

"Takes some getting used to," Rose admitted from the driver's seat. "A lot of things do here."

Amy chimed in. "Like the president?"

Rose nodded. "And learning about the English War for Independence. We declared ourselves independent from the United States in 1775."

"You're kidding," Rory breathed.

"Yeah," Rose admitted. "It was actually in 1776."

Before long, the party arrived at an unassuming cafe that was an inconspicuous block away from Downing Street. The inside of the cafe was relatively empty save the woman behind the counter and a solitary man in an old hat sitting by a window. Rose approached the woman behind the counter, and the woman spoke first. "I wasn't aware this was a sad occasion," she said.

"The world is quiet here," Rose somberly replied with a nod.

The woman quirked an eyebrow and pressed a button on the coffee maker. The large pastry shelf behind the woman swung open, and Rose led the party into the long, cinderblock hallway it revealed.

"That," Rory said. "Was so cool. It was like a real spy movie."

"All spy movies are real, Rory," the Doctor said. "Get a little perspective."

Down the hallway and out a door to the left, Rose was greeted amiably by nearly everybody while the rest of the group was greeted overwhelmingly with a scrutinous eye.

However, there was one man with a receding hairline who seemed just as displeased to see Rose as he was to see the rest of them. "Well, well, well," he began, folding his arms over his waistcoat clad chest. "If it isn't Rose Tyler and friends. And who are you lot supposed to be?"

As the Doctor was about to announce himself with his usual gusto, Rose cut him off. "Friends of the Doctor," she answered. "Good to see you, Ben."

"I really doubt it," Ben answered with a smile. "Something else you want Mrs. Tyler? Or is it Mrs. Mcrimmon? Pardon me, names can be so confusing in your situation."

Rose didn't appear perturbed by "Ben's" patronizing. "I would like a rundown of all of your artificial oxygen output," Rose said. "If it's not too much trouble."

"Why on earth would I want to do that?" Ben questioned.

"Because," Rose said patiently, "last I checked, it's written in the UNIT code of conduct that the Doctor gets what he asks for. And the Doctor's asking for it."

Ben gave Rose a smile that showed he would rather not have been reminded of the fact. "Miss Osgood!" he barked at a poor woman nearby who jumped out of shock. "Get Mrs. Whatever-Her-Name-Is the data on the artificial oxygen output. Now, please, if you will Miss Osgood. We haven't got all day. And someone please get these three clearance passes. Do we just let anybody in here now? I didn't think so!"

Ben left them, still giving orders.

"Ben Stewart," Rose whispered. "I always liked his Aunt Kate better."

A shy looking intern approached the group and handed them all clearance passes. "Names, please," he said.

"John Smith," the Doctor answered with his regular enthusiasm about being able to tell that lie.

The intern stared. "You're kidding," he said.

"He's not," Amy chimed in almost immediately. "And I'm Sansa Stark."

The intern stared again, but this time he looked unimpressed. "Like the character?"

Amy nodded. "I just wanted to see if you have Game of Thrones here."

After the intern had been properly confused, Amy and Rory both gave their real names while Miss Osgood presented Rose with the list she requested. She scanned it quickly and immediately handed it off to the Doctor. "Here's the problem," she began. She was gazing at the list over his shoulder. "These are all space stations. UNIT space stations that no one else in the world is supposed to know about."

"Brilliant!" the Doctor said. "Now I know things no one else is supposed to know about in _two _universes. That's very cool."

"So one of these space stations took the TARDIS," Rory said, although it sounded more like a question.

The Doctor nodded. "Almost definitely, and you could even guess it's the one with its coordinates tied to London floating above our heads right now."

Amy and Rory both looked up. Nothing but a cinderblock ceiling.

Amy furrowed her brows. "But if the TARDIS is in a space station, how are we supposed to get it back?"

The Doctor inclined his head toward Rose who was still lingering over his shoulder. "Rose, have you got a satellite dish?"

"Yeah, why?"

The Doctor shrugged. "I thought we might ask nicely."

**a/n: must team tardis be smart? is it not enough that they are all stupid and i like them?**


End file.
